bad habit? i don't think so.

Happiness is best in small doses and
when you are not expecting it - when
there is nothing but the night and its
sweet, forbidden tune—happiness, like
sadness, clings like a scar; that is
to say permanent, always there even
when you forget about it.

It is where the ocean and the breeze
and all the seven seas line up like the
stars would - could - do and we are all
left with wandering wonders that float
like shivers down the spine; left with
an aching throat and burning eyes
and the wish of sleep; left with haunting
memories filled with all the mistakes
that have left your lips.

I told a friend that I loved her and I
hugged a boy hello and goodbye and
that is happiness - I laughed, raw
and too loud, just as I wept, raw and
too loud, and that is happiness—
I try to fit all of that love in a gift but
I've never been the one to wrap
the presents Christmas eve.

There are days where all I want is
to scream, to hear my voice echo 
and know that at least one person hears
me, but today I shall rest - today all
I want is a soft wind, sparkling lights,
and the eyes to capture all the stars in
the sky and, if not that, then hands
to feel all the flowers of the world.

I want my happiness to be more than
peace, more than a poem, more than
what I can afford right now—I want
it to be the eighth wonder, the only
second people can hold, the feeling of 
chewing on ice and falling off the
edge of a cliff; I want my happiness
to be weightless, to be free, to be no
longer tethered to my body, to
leave nothing behind except for that
old scar - and oh, the questions
I  would get because of it.